LAGOS, Chrisoula - Passed in the early hours of May 14, 2020 at St Joe's in Toronto.
Mom's will to live was strong and evident despite her brain disintegrating by the minute.
As many of you know, Mom suffered from Age Related Dementia which worsened over the last few years and then raged following her hip fracture. The fall only accelerated the onset of the eventual, prolonged agony. What people don't realize is that Dementia is a ruthless, wasting disease that ultimately robs one not only of their life's journey and all the stops along the way but also control over one's body.
As it progresses it leaves the victim alone in a world of strangers and hallucinations. At the end Mom's brain began to disconnect the systems that kept her alive. Breathing became more difficult and wasexacerbated by an existing lung condition and she wasn't sleeping properly. She couldn't swallow properly so she couldn't eat, drink or speak coherently. There were also other mental and physiological defecits.
We will miss her wit and infectious laugh that could erupt into a roar without notice. We will miss her hilarious and at times somber stories of the homeland,detailing the antics of her mother and aunts and uncles, siblings, cousins and friends, the good times and bad times, a world war, a civil war and much more.When we would razz her for being a 'villager', she stealthily proceeded toschool us, as we heard a philosopher's wisdom impressing upon us the starkrealization that we knew nothing of the real world; the real one full of war,civil unrest, witch hunts, torture and murder and that it was a world that shesurvived. Yet despite all of that there still remained her laugh which seemedto make all those bad things seem impossible.
My parents were the stereotypical transatlantic, photo, hook-up. My Grandmotherrecieved a picture from her brother in Toronto who owned a shoe repair shop. Itwas of a handsome young guy from Florina, who was his business partner. Anumber of years past before Mom eventually came to visit her transplantedfamily in Kitchener. And who shows up to see her? Her Uncle with this tallstranger. She was ready to go back to Greece, bags all packed when her Unclesaid that's the guy from the picture and you aren't going back. Sounds a littleheavy handed but he told him that he was a hardworker and would be a goodprovider. So she stayed a while longer. Dad didn't have a car at that time sohe would hop on the train to visit Mom in Kitchener. A couple years later theywere married and hilarity ensued. My Dad got his own store and Mom would helphim out. Dad used to have a bunch of his old buddies hanging out having a fewdrinks, sometimes too many but Mom ended that. And I remember Dad telling Momthat she saved him. They loved each other in the purest sense of the word.There were bad times but nothing that they couldn't work through together. Andthere were good times that made the bad times disappear. From time to time Momwould regail us with some crazy shit that Dad would say or do and she'd be institches halfway through the story, calling to him through her laughter andtears. For example, the summers in Toronto can be sweltering especially withoutA/C. On one of those nights Dad would sit out front in his boxers. Mom went outto join him one night and jokingly gave him shit for being out in just hisunderwear. She was suddenly alarmed by what she thought was something crawlingon his leg. Dad told her to look closer and her laugh exploded into the nightand she ran inside laughing uncontrollably. You see, on occassion 'the boys'would hang out for extra cooling, you know, kind of like a dog's tongue. I hearher laugh in my head now and I'm sobbing. A moment of solace in this torrent ofsadness is that now Mom has gone to be with Dad and party with their clans.Behind she leaves her stoic yet wiley brother Dimitrios, who gave her away onher wedding day and their youngest cousin, Niki. Sadly, it seems we all mayfall victim to the miracles of modern medicine and be condemned to an extendedlife that we will likely forget.
My brother Paul was caring for Mom full-time. He did everything. Literally. He deserves a medal for what he did for Mom. There was a lot of stress, some yelling and arguing as we tried to grapple with the disease. But he did what he had to do. My task was to chauffeur Mom around to see her doctors only to repeatedly hear the heartbreaking news confirmed over and over again. As the deficits worsened and became too much for Paul alone, we asked the governmentto step up and they brought in some really great women. Our government needs to recognize the commitment of, and sacrifices made by primary caregivers and PSWsand compensate them appropriately for their efforts.
I would also be remiss if I didn't mention my love, Jennifer who was there to support and push me in a particular direction when necessary. Those who knowJen know that she always puts others first when they are in need and she was prepared to do the same for Mom. She is there during my moments of reflection and vulnerability that typically resolve following a tearful embrace and a snotty nose on her shoulder. Mom loved Jen so very much and she her. Men will tell you that they are better for having strong women around them and I can confirm that.
As Mom's suffering comes to an end the saddest thing now is that we cannot properly celebrate her life because of the egregious restrictions placed on funeral services. We are restricted to a limited service of TEN people. No visitors or viewing beyond the ten, which is really nine as the priest counts one person. The service begins at Frank Lynett Funeral Home on Wednesday May 20 followed by a service at the Annunciation of the Virgin Mary church and interment at Sanctuary Park Cemetery. Start to finish FIVE hours. That's it. Five hours to commemorate 92 years. Those who know our family's Macedonian-Greek bloodline understand that when we say 'exophrenon' they know the rage restrained in our veins. That isn't even close to what I'm feeling right now.
We will have a much larger memorial celebration once it has been deemed safe to do so..
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