GARDINER, Kyle Daya - (January 20, 1997 – January 29, 2020)
RIP Kyle Daya Gardiner. This is what suicide looks like. It's his Dad posting this. He hung himself off our back deck the night of the 28th and I found him yesterday morning, frozen.
He asked that people be informed of his decision and gave me his social media passwords. That was all he wrote in his note.
Sensitive, Intelligent, Adventurous, Caring. Felt the pain of the planet deeply (Global Warming, War, Income Inequality, Poverty).
Karate Black Belt by around age of 16. 52-day canoe trip above the Arctic Circle after High School at age 18. Bachelor degree with Honours from the University College of Utrecht in the Netherlands. Just finished one year teaching English in Beijing China.
Successful in everyone's eyes, but he was a huge critic of himself. He came home just before Christmas and was struggling with what to do next, and was experiencing difficulty and some setbacks. Not unusual setbacks - stuff that most people encounter at some point, and we would talk with him through some of his decisions, but he kept a lot of his pain hidden deep.
He would not talk about relationships or would clam up when they were brought up, so we honoured his desire to keep his private life private. We thought we were helping him with his independence and desire to be treated as an adult. It's hard for both you and your child when they have been independently away for 4 years and they come back home as an adult. At the time, there were no obvious red flags. Everything that might be considered worrisome was matched by a couple other things that were positive.
He would dress up almost every day - nice shirt, pants, sometimes a tie - he always looked like a million dollars. He was eating healthy (he would make instagram worthy meals) and was keeping a food journal of all of the food he ate, and it was filled out right up to dinner time a couple hours before he died.
Sue was with him that evening and telling him how proud we were of him, and how he had achieved so much more than either of us by his age. I was worried though (he had numbers to call if he wanted help aside from us), and had vowed to talk to him yesterday - it was the Bell Let's Talk day in Canada - a day to raise mental health awareness, and I was going to use that to bring up the subject of him seeking help if he needed it. Please learn from my mistake - DON'T WAIT. There are help lines available in all countries, and while all the headlines are about problems, remember that the world is full of love, and needs you in it. Please seek help as soon as you or anyone around you has any dark thoughts - it helps to immensely talk through problems, and do not delay.
Memorial Visitation will be held at Thompson funeral home, Aurora on February 13th from 6 - 8pm. Memorial Service will be held there on February 15th at 1:00 p.m.
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